Recap of the Big Game

The last seconds of the game. A hushed audience. Suddenly, a roar filled the arena. The team won! This local sports team is moving on to the state level, and everyone could not be less excited. “We really had a good season this year. Good players, good teamwork, but the other team just outplayed us…and I’m not saying I did anything, but I want my money back from the refs,” says the coach of the losing team. As put by the modest star player, “I don’t know how we won. I was just trying to make sure that the cheerleaders could see me flex a little, but I suppose that’s what it takes to play a game like us.” The game was very close, with the team almost unable to score in the first quarter, but later managing to hold possession. “They had trouble getting the ball for a while before I realized that they’d had the ball the entire time—I guess that’s what’s called a sports ‘miracle’,” reveals one shocked spectator. Unfortunately, the crowd erupted into pandemonium during the first five minutes of the game when people realized both teams had the same color scheme. Fans had difficulty differentiating between their players and those from opposite teams, and distinguishing between friendly and opposing audience members. A brawl almost broke out when audience members began arguing about which team had better colors. “I told him, our color is better than yours. He kept repeating, ‘It’s the same color.’ I got really mad, needed my homies to hold me back,” a participant discloses. While this team has managed to clinch a spot in the state championships, it remains to be seen whether or not it can marshal its efforts to advance. Until then, local fans can only pray the color scheme is changed for next year.

– Harsh Wadhwa

Editor’s Note: Our sports crew unintentionally attended the wrong game for the wrong sport. An honest mistake. Regrettably, they are currently being held for questioning in Sochi, Russia on how they entered the country. Go team!