Teachers at an area high school are stumped as to why their students seem to become increasingly smarter as the day progresses.
“I’ve been working here for over fifteen years and I still don’t understand. No matter what class, whether it is math, science, or history, test scores always rise in later periods,” explained a local P.E. teacher.
This trend has been observed school-wide with no clear explanation.
“If it weren’t for the scores, I wouldn’t normally assume this to be the case,” claimed Mr. Smith, a world history teacher. “During my sixth period class, it sometimes appears as though the entire class is sleeping while I’m lecturing. In fact, now that I think about it, this seems to be the case for my first period class too. And my fourth period class. My voice gets sore from increasing the volume of my monotone.”
Many students, such as Juan Pablo Gutierrez, have come forward with possible reasons behind the better test scores.
“Throughout the day, I take my textbook and I whack myself across the head in order to absorb the information,” described sophomore Juan Pablo. “It’s called osmosis or something. We learned about it in AP Biology. Anyway, I think the people who take the test earlier in the day don’t have enough time to sufficiently whack themselves… in the head.”
Meanwhile, other students have tried to rationalize the score as a matter of diet.
“Every morning, I drink three Red Bulls and eat forty packs of Skittles for breakfast. But my sugar rush doesn’t even kick in until, like, third period. So until then, I’m running off of my reserve energy, like fats and carbohydrates. We learned about it in AP Biology,” explained Chad Dudemeister, a freshman who has never taken AP Biology.
Chad argues that, “If you want to test students when their brains are functioning at 100%, you gotta get them at the peak of their sugar high. I mean, my high usually only lasts about fifteen seconds, but when it hits, it hits hard. One time I think I saw Jesus.”
Finally, some students have proposed some truly implausible theories on the rise in intelligence throughout the day.
“Isn’t it possible that students aren’t getting smarter, but are in fact just getting the test answers from their friends?” asked junior Mary Mulcher. Mary was immediately expelled for questioning the moral integrity of the student body.
With no clear answer, many teachers have suggested shifting the school day between the hours of 10 pm and 5 am in order to capture students when they are at their brightest, claiming that a dumb student who becomes suddenly smart at 2 pm must be like Einstein at 10 pm. Either way, the mystery behind the rise in intelligence still remains unsolved.
– Shaan Somani