School Canceled for the Day; Teachers Too Afraid of the Dark

Monday morning opened at an area high school with cries from students expressing that they “couldn’t believe it was already Monday.” How rare it was to see students so eager to learn. Unfortunately, when students attempted to enter the math building, they were shocked to find that all of the lights had been shut off; even more surprisingly, the students discovered a group of math teachers huddled in a corner, trying to start a fire using two wooden rulers and old geometry homework.

“It was a very traumatic experience,” explained Mrs. Wuddlestein, an Algebra II teacher. “Some of us believed that the school had become haunted overnight. We were too afraid to open the door in case the spirits would be let out into the world. In fact, we were prepared to live the rest of our lives inside of the building. It was quite noble of us, really.”

With only minutes before the school day needed to officially begin, the administration attempted to remediate the situation by contacting the janitors, but they were all attending a National Janitorial Conference in New York City. As confusion escalated, Principal Knotsy decided to take matters into its own hands.

Knotsy, who has established a reputation for his innovation and intellect, decided to enter each classroom individually in order to prove that the building was not haunted. However, he found that while there were no visible ghosts on the school premises, the lights still would not turn on.

“I tried everything I could,” Knotsy claims. “I waved my hand in front of the lights, I started clapping, I unscrewed each light bulb and screwed it back in. I even smashed a couple to try to get a spark. Nothing seemed to be working.”

With hordes of students assuming the fetal position around the campus and three calculus teachers requiring new sets of pants, Knotsy had no choice but to cancel the remainder of the school day.

“It’s really saddening that these kids will have to waste such a beautiful day outside instead of reading from textbooks indoors,” Knotsy discusses disappointedly. “I’m sure that the students are all very upset too. I expect that many of them will spend the next six and a half hours studying, unable to determine what else to do with so many extra hours in their lives.”

It was only five minutes after Knotsy had given the official announcement that he realized he had forgotten to flip the light switches on.

– Shaan Somani